Time...

Why is time so elusive? And when we finally have some, why is it so easily misspent? I am learning just how freakish I am in that I cannot relax, and yet find myself wasting so much time. And maybe that's the problem...I feel like I'm wasting time. I know in my head that God is giving me this time to catch my breath, regroup, ... land. But I am at a complete loss as to what that looks like on a daily basis. And I am unable to relax. I am unorganized, inattentive, languid, flaging, and feeling generally detached. Where is this coming from? I'm not unhappy. I have an amazing feeling of Freedom! But I have no idea what to do with myself now that I am not defined by the spa...with it's 90 hour work weeks and no vacation time.

And I'm not sure when I had time to work. Seriously. There isn't enough time in a day, and I don't do anything! Some days I do. Some days are productive. The house is clean, everything in it's new place, the porch is stained and sparking clean, the flower pots repainted, and yesterday I did take a car load of boxes to a friend's attic. And I've done some hair. But some days are laying in pajamas all day with clutter strewn around me like a derelict tenement.

How do I Land? How do I relax? How do I find balance? And will tomorrow be better? Today I spent 4 hours filling out a job application, then cleaned the house again. I know I need to take the dog for a walk, but here I am in front of the computer again... How do people do this; this not working thing? What is real life like for normal people? And will I ever become one?